Family Forum: Are Time-Outs Effective?

Family Forum is the new name of our previously named Moms Talk column. This is a new initiative on our Patch sites to reach out to moms and families.

Also, this new forum will allow you to reach out to your neighbors as well as we share comments and information with Sayville, Sachem, Bayport, Blue Point and Patchogue. We invite you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for families.

Each week in Family Forum, our Moms Council of experts take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Family Forum will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way and is it the best way? Where can we get information on local flu shot clinics for children? How do we talk to our children about the Tucson shootings? How can we help our children's schools weather their budget cutbacks?

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today.

Do Time Outs Really Work?

Debbie Bacon: Yes and No. Time outs have never really worked in my house for their intended purpose. The kids don't have an epiphany sitting there, realizing what they did was wrong. They don't vow to never do it again. They do, however, cool off, and say 'sorry'. They sometimes forget why they were removed from the situation to begin with, and carry on with their lives, without a care in the world, when it is over. Sometimes I just let them fight it out and give myself a time out, cup of coffee and book in hand, and retreat to my room for a few minutes so I can cool off.

Donna Nolan: I love time outs. They don't really work for the kid, but they give me a couple of minutes to calm down and collect my thoughts so that I can deal with the problem at hand.

Amy Keyes: I’m not a fan of the “time out.” I worked at a number of daycare centers throughout college, and I’ll say that if a child was given “time outs” at home, they worked at daycare in that the child was just as upset at being put in a “time out” at daycare as he or she would be if it happened at home! I don’t plan on using time outs with my daughter. They never made sense to me – time out from what? Life? When Charlotte gets into something she shouldn’t be playing with, I say, “No, Charlotte,” clearly and firmly and divert her attention to something else. She definitely gets a little bit upset that the diapers/dvds/Daddy’s guitar are being taken away from her, but the new toy she’s presented with makes up for it. She’s only 1 year old, and I feel confident that she knows what “No,” means.

Alisa Drinkwater: I do not believe in time outs. I just think you need to tell your child what they did wrong, right there on the spot. Then tell them how to correct it. If you think you need a time out for the wild child, then try a distraction instead. Take them outside, bake cookies, color, sing, jump on the bed with them, have a pillow fight!

Donna Haakonson: Just the threat of a time out works for my child.  I think it depends on the individual child.

Kiersten Bartolotta: I was a big believer in time outs with my two daughters and used them to discipline them on a consistent basis over the years. It was nice to know one strategy that worked when they were acting out. But when my son came along, I learned that he did not respond to timeouts as well. I think you have to figure out what approach works for each child or modify it to make sure it is effective and not a big waste of time.