Family Forum: Preventing Cyber-Bullying

Family Forum is the new name of our previously named Moms Talk column. This is a new initiative on our Patch sites to reach out to moms and families.

Also, this new forum will allow you to reach out to your neighbors as well as we share comments and information with Sachem, Sayville, Bayport, Blue Point and Patchogue. We invite you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for families.

Each week in Family Forum, our council of experts take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will have a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Family Forum will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way and is it the best way? Where can we get information on local flu shot clinics for children? How do we talk to our children about the Tucson shootings? How can we help our children's schools weather their budget cutbacks?

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today.

What do you do to prevent cyber-bullying?

Debbie Bacon: Privacy only goes so far in my house. I don't allow locks on bedroom doors and the computer is in a central location. I have taught my children to be leaders, not followers, and to not allow others to chisel away at their self-esteem. Now, I know as a mother, that my words will not save the world. My girls (I have three of them) will be in a situation one day that will test them. As parents, we can only hope we've guided them down the right path and that their decisions can help determine where they end up. If bullying starts in the smallest degree, my children know they can come to me for help. I have relationships with many teachers at their school and stay active in their social network, communicating with other parents so we can all be on the same page. Besides, what's with all this privacy with kids? Why do they need so much more than we had growing up? We should always know what are kids are doing; whether on the computer or not. I'm a grown woman and barely get privacy from the kids to take a shower in peace!

Donna Nolan: I have my kids passwords to everything online including Facebook. I frequently go onto their pages to see what is going on. Except for inappropriate language by some of the “friends,” I have been lucky. We also have dinner together every night and discuss what happened at school. If there is a problem we each discuss how we would handle the situation.

Amy Keyes:  I’ve put a lot of thought into this, probably because there have been so many horrific stories in the news lately. It’s such a tough issue. My first strategy will be to build a solid foundation of trust between my daughter and I. Obviously that’s a lot easier said than done – it requires striking a balance between allowing her to be age-appropriately independent and setting necessary rules and boundaries. If she feels she can trust me, she will feel secure in coming to me if she’s being bullied. I also don’t plan on letting her surf the internet unsupervised until she’s in middle school, probably around seventh grade. My plan to accomplish that one is to spend her early childhood getting her interested in other non-computer based activities.

Kiersten Bartolotta: Of course, there is no simple answer but I believe that parents need to be very actively involved in their children's use of computers and technology. By keeping an eye on your child's interaction on computers on a regular basis as well as limiting their use, we can prevent a majority of these acts. I think lessons on bullying in school are effective to some degree and will help to keep teachers and parents aware of situations of cyber-bullying as they come up.

Donna Haakonson: I think the time kids spend on the Internet and on social networking sites should be limited and supervised. I have fourth graders talking about their Facebook pages. It is completely inappropriate. As for middle and high school students, you have to try to keep the lines of communication open with them and their close friends. Empower them and try to make them understand that it is easy for anyone to sit in front of a computer screen and write nasty things about someone else. But when that same person if face to face, they are too afraid. The bully usually has major self-esteem issues or is having some sort of trouble in their life. Picking on others makes them temporarily feel better about themselves.