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Help! My Email's Gone Viral

You've been hacked!

I woke up the other morning to a cyber-catastrophe.  The first clue something was up was when I saw a long list of MAILER-DAEMON, "Sorry, but I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses."  A quick glance at those addresses, revealed one was my father's old email address, and I took this to be concrete proof that you don't get email in the afterlife, but that there is life afterspam. 

Truth be told, I have thousands of email contacts, and from what people say, I am the kind of person people trust, so whatever I was selling, they were willing to buy. 

It didn't take me long to figure out that my email was hacked, and that the hackers were hawking two different products -- one to melt away fat, and the other one was for, oh, you know.... Now, how can I put this delicately?  Let's just say they were pushing that little blue pill.  Had my father still been on earth, he would have had a  field day calling me out on that one!

Here are some of the responses I got from the day my email went viral. You can't make this stuff up.

First the Fatbuster Responses:

"If you tell me this works, I'm buying it."
"You really are psychic.  How did you know I got fat?"
"Did my husband tell you he's gonna leave me, if my butt gets any bigger?"
"As it melts away the fat, it also liquidates the bacon!"
"I'm about to give them my credit card, but something seems a little fishy. The ad said $10, but when I go to pay, the shipping and handling are $95. Does that sound about right?"

"I'd rather be fat than hacked!"

 As for the Little, Blue Pill...


"How did you know I needed that?"
"Viagra?  Cindi, I hardly know ya!"
"Cindi, it's Bill.  Why are you telling me how great Viagra is?"
"Cindi, it's your brother.  I guess you've been hacked."
"It's just an an old wives' tale, but let me be the first to set the record straight -- lesbians don't have penises."
"Viagra? If I order it today, do you think it'll get here in time for Valentine's Day?"
"Good morning.  You've been hacked!"

I spent half that day answering more than three hundred of these kinds of emails, and changing every password of mine.  Now I can't even get into most of my own accounts, because I can't remember my own passwords. Where's a hacker when you need one?

Moral of the story:  If you get a suspicious looking email, don't read it -- delete it. If the email has no subject and just a link, it didn't come from me or any other trusted source -- so just trash it.


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